You are undeniably hot
when you are not doing stupid things to your hair like this:
And you're hung. (I would post photos but figured that everyone's seen the infamous video, and if they haven't it's quite easily Googled.)
I was going to write that you are the worst DJ ever, but after thinking about it, you weren't any worse than a normal club DJ. On the plus side you did have a breakdancing midget, which was very entertaining - if only he kicked himself in the head
Wee Man-style! That sort of antic is really funny. And I actually mean that.
It's not like I didn't know you weren't going to play a lot of wave-your-hands-in-the-air house anthems. And I'm sorry that your party was held in such a dive; the Loft's a hole with no character and no ambience, and your PR people could have done better.
So why am I whinging? I'm fucking tired this morning because I stayed up late watching you shake your bony ass behind the decks while someone else actually played the records.
Plus 50 minutes for Motorhead on Tuesday night, while you guys played for TWO WHOLE HOURS? Seriously, you guys don't even have
15 minutes worth of good songs - 'Shout at the Devil', 'Kickstart my Heart', 'Dr Feelgood'? Maybe 'Girls Girls Girls', and those on a nostalgia/ sentiment trip might plump for 'Home Sweet Home.' But that's it - maximum five songs out of a 20-odd year career.
Not that I saw your show; I left before you guys came on. One of the reasons I left was the disrespectful way you have treated Motorhead on this tour. Clearly, you and your 'bros' are surrounded by sycophants and kiss-ups who have protected you from the truth that your musical 'legacy' involves spandex and Aqua-Net. But no Motorhead = no speed or thrash metal. I'll even go so far to say that without Motorhead, the sound of rock'n'roll and metal today would be completely different But remove you guys from the musical gene pool and we'd have no Poison, Skidders or Warrant. And wouldn't that be shame?
Anyway, you couldn't compete with Motorhead, even with all the midgets, dancing girls, pyro and tittycam in the world. Motorhead are fuck off old. Phil made a few mistakes (but he was non compis when we left him at 6.30pm). And they didn't play 'Iron Fist', 'Motorhead', or 'Rock'n'Roll' (likely because they only had 50 minutes and no encore, which is the fault of your band). But that's beside the point - why stick around for Motley's exercise in inanity after one of the most amazing shows of my life?
So I fucked off next door and saw the Foo Fighters on comps instead. I don't even particularly rate the Foos, but I bet they were better than you. Plus there was the vicious rumour going 'round that Lemmy would join Dave on stage for 'Shake Your Blood', but 'twas not to be. But what is life without hope and dreams?
Sorry Tommy, I don't mean to rag on you so hard. I'm just really tired today. You're damn goodlooking and quite the porkswordsman from what I read; you're rich and lauded wherever you go, so my pissing and moaning is nothing. But I'm glad I got this off my chest.
With Love,
Countess xo
